August 2005

My house is full of sunshine and mess…I usually save colours like this for poetry but I’m in a very bright yellow mood at the moment!

I have pulses soaking, Zak is on the last page of his hour of written work and I’m feeling quite relaxed about the stay at home thing…I’ve got work tonight though, and I guess it’ll be different when we get on to our usual pattern because Mark’ll be home for the main part of the day.

I’m enjoying today though so I’m off to do just that.

Feeling sleepy this morning…it’s been a very busy couple of days, shopping! it’s a rare thing for us to be Sunday shoppers (in the sense of walking round a retail park at least). Two days shopping so far and I think maybe we need to go again today…even worse to buy an iron and ironing board. I haven’t had one for four years!

We’ve been making most of these efforts towards two goals though, working toward Edinburgh and changing the dreadful eating habits we’ve gotten into in the last few years. We even made chickpea burgers together last night!

Off to clean the kitchen now though(!)

In front of you

My heart is a flower

Opening soft sky petals

So huge,

In the force

Of their silent unfolding

I am trembling


I am peaceful where I have no words

I’ve run out of paper!

Some part of me has just realised how passionately I want beauty and the adventure of exploration in my life….and the rest of me is having difficulty imagining where those things aren’t.

Good moods are cool.

Because I worry that perhaps I just habitually fall in love, I habitually worry!

One of those strange moments in life that make no sense to me what so ever…I know that feelings aren’t rational, but how ridiculously scared can we be of someone we like or love!? 

Surely it means I have no faith or trust in them, myself or the universe, or little enough to barely count! If I had the faith in one, that I so blithely tell myself I have in all three, then where could any fear come from?

If I have faith and trust in the universe then the best will come, If I have faith in them then I will expect them to accept me, if I faith in myself I’ll either get it right or love myself anyway….The fact that I am so easily reduce to such an uncomfortable state of nerves is not a happy sensation…

May I have more faith in all three.


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