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February 2009

Big Kisses

Odd memories have been popping back into my mind…odd moments that re-frame things.

In amongst all the family photos at my parent’s house is one of me that I remember always being around as I was growing up, It’s one I know well and have always liked, smiley, long hair, about eight years old maybe…Suddenly, during this visit, I could really see me in it. It seemed a bit odd. I’m wondering now whether it’s more usual to connect with the self in a picture or not.

The other thing I noticed about this picture was how happy I looked, not just smiling but happy in some completely confident, innocent way that really struck me…and the memories that have been popping up seem to be connected with that energy too. That, just me, happy, not-thinking everything through, do what I want to, central sense of self energy, which took the universe on without pre-conception or prejudice.

Finding my way back to seeing my young self’s adventures and mis-adventures through those eyes, rather than my more ‘adult’ ones, has been a gift. I hope I get the chance to integrate and explore further.

It was a gorgeous, manic, hard-work with an oft over-tired toddler visit, in comfortable, peaceful, familiar surroundings, spending time with the women of my mother’s family, (and my lovely born-again-almost-school-boy-yet-just-retired dad number 2) and it was lovely. Tiring (read exhausting to the point of wobbles) and completely refreshing at the same time…go figure!

I’ve not read my mail, visited any blogs, checked in on The Goddess Circle or TAW, as yet, since my return a couple of hours ago though part of me is itching to do so I’m just seeing if I can ease that refreshed energy properly into my life here (but not the wobbly bit).

Big Kiss

Grrrrr

I need a happy pic! (I’m working on a big sketchy one of this at the moment) It cheers me up!

I lost my purse!!!

With all my cards, and the weeks shopping money in it 😦

And I have a poorly eye.. so it’s more .(

Grrrr money! I was already having moments of feeling like a second class citizen…The money issues run deep, huh?

I lost my purse just hours after having a (fairly heated) conversation over money and artwork prices with a friend, and I can physically feel all this awkward changy birthing energy over my issues. I get angry.

Hmmmm
I was going to type that I get angry when I don’t have enough money for what I want…
but that’s just jealousy, I get angry when I don’t have enough money for what I want, when others have, when I am left out.

Yesterday’s conversation was along the same line….I’m getting a lot of “don’t undervalue your work”s said to me…….and I get angry, because I don’t want to ‘market’ price my work because I am far far far from the only one who doesn’t have that kind of money and I don’t want to feel like I’m leaving people out on money grounds….

I’m more than happy to accept a chunk of bill paying life enhancing money as long as I’m not excluding those currently struggling…

And I don’t know how to make that fair.

And I get very angry at people suggesting that those struggling need to prioritise, work harder, or resolve their abundance issues and sense of self worth…though I take on board that all of those pieces of advice would stand me in good stead, it feels, to my bones, un-loving.

I’m currently considering taking on a space for studio and community activities…this will only happen with an exceedingly generous landlord, that I might add, I may actually know…and I feel that all this money, faith, love, gifting stuff is mixed up in there somewhere.

And now I have come back to myself I feel calmer, I have dreamt on and off for years of running a space with as close as possible a gifting energy flow…Perhaps I’m being challenged to make it happen, rather than being challenged to change.

We’ll see

Big Kiss

Hee hee hee hee hee hee

That’s me giggling because with the help of Three Column Blogger and this particular page I have managed to restore my blogger page to the colours that make me happy, no lines and still three columns.

My blogger page is really my workdesk so I have the page set up pretty wide at the moment (I have a big screen and I like the space) but if it gives you any major problems let me know

The next step is to refresh and update my links/del.icio.us etc. Hmmm.

Life seems choc-a-block with creative opportunity at the moment…I’m wondering how courageous I’m actually going to be. I gave myself an end of March dealine for some things…and that deadline is looming large right now…I’m having brave moments though, and my u-turns and self-sabotage seem to be coming in smaller and smaller doses so I have hope.

I’m also going to step back in the TAW as I majorly lost focus after taking on Leonie’s Lovely Goddess Course…I’m glad I took it on, but TAW has such a huge impact on my ‘proffessional intentions’ that I’m feeling need of digging deeper into it, and re-focusing my intentions.

Huh! I wasn’t expecting to write all that, evidently needed to get my head a bit straighter to match my lovely tidy, three columns that i just edited (!)

(((♥)))

Mish Mosh

What a mish-mosh! Everything has gone green! And there’s lines for the writing! Lines!!!

Well I’ve learnt enough to find a tidier three columns, but they are green and liney, but I also learnt how to save my widgets, which is cool. I foresee this being a blog of shifting colours and blurring lines over the next couple of days….I have time for that right?

Healing Pearl

This is my second play with acrylics, and my first go at working on canvas…it was really lovely to do, I finished it off with sparkly pen and irridescent pastel.

This is my healing picture from week three on the Goddess Course…during the meditation I was given a massive Pearl and made to understand that it grew from a past wound that I had healed and held over time, creating a solid mass of healing light, a Pearl of Wisdom…the same way an iritating piece of grit becomes the pearl in an oyster.

This is a much smaller picture than I’m used to doing, not even A4 size and i was surprised how much I enjoyed doing it…and I’ve two more small canvas pieces to play with so yay!

((((Big Squashy Valentine Hugs to You))))…we had a Family Valentine Tea with pink cakes, fruit bread, strawberries and heartshaped cookies (Yum!)

Chilly Winter Warmers

Just some of our recent chilly days…brrrr
Big Kiss

Popping in to say Hi!

I need to learn photography! I need it for taking excellent photos to work from….and for taking better pictures of finished work. I’m sure even some basics on how cameras work would help.

I’m thinking that this one is finished…maybe I just currently have a ten hour cut-off point.

I’m scared of ruining it if I try to go further, but I think I might experiment with some ideas I have on a few practice eyes, mouths, skin and hair patches, so that I can experiment with out risking ruining someones face!

Sketches for the next couple of portraits, I have some catching up to do to average my one a week…The shortage of winter light makes seeing colours challenging…and the time the light is best we’re usually in the middle of lunch/playing in the park or lessons!

I have spent some time browsing the most amazing portrait artists today…so now I have links to share…and snow pictures to up-load…and some very, very late calendars to make.

Top of the list is my transformation arrow for the Goddess E-Course though.

Big kiss.

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