Part of me can’t believe how slow I am, and part of me cannot believe how far we’ve come!
I err very much on the side of caution in my everyday blog as I often work with children, teens and vulnerable adults and sexuality is something that most often has to remain private. So of late I have not benefitted as I did when I used to write here regularly. ! Thinking about it assorted members of my family read my everyday blog too, which would certainly make for some interesting conversations between them!
So I found myself at five this morning filled with grief and jealousy…jealous that my husband looks so beautiful and I have eaten myself into what feels like near destruction and certainly into unhealthy, un-beautiful obesity. Jealous and angry because I have eaten and squashed down my feelings and sexuality almost constantly for the last eight years whilst constantly trying to support and encourage his self-acceptance and confidence. My heart sings when I see him stepping beautifully into his life…but when it took him only ten minutes to get ready and look stunning before going out last night, and I knew that even after two hours of trying I would feel ugly fat and almost not invisible enough I cracked.
I am very unhappy at the moment.