Singing singing singing
I am feeling so well, I am feeling so well, I am feeling so well, yes yes I am
I am happy I’m well, I am happy I’m well, I am happy I’m well, I’m sure you get the point… even nearly with a ta da! on the end.
I have felt well aaallll day…and only today realised how ill I had felt and for how long…even in all the lovely sunshine last week I didn’t feel as sunny as this!
The antibiotic I’m on is one my dad2 helped develop years ago for Beechams chemist…I think that’s quite cool.
OK….calmer now, quieter things to talk about.
My second journey picture is a challenge, lessons indeed, which I had figured when I was set the task but I am suddenly considering that this might take years instead of months. (hopefully not just this one picture though!)
Lilith is a name better known over the last few years. Still not so much in the UK, and I’m really not sure but I get the impression more so in the US as a feminist figure, also in France according to a friend of mine.
I had never heard of the story of Lilith until my second guided shamanic journey, the intention of which was to meet an upper world guide, receive advice from them and ask their name.
At the beginning of the journey I was in pain, one of my big toes if I recall rightly, and I was having difficulty letting go of the sensation enough to allow my emotion on which to travel until suddenly I was overwhelmed and upset with the feeling of being left behind. In that instant I was swept up in Lilith’s arms and hair, like a fast rising cloud, reassured and comforted by her face and embrace.
That’s the section of the journey that this picture is to do with…I didn’t ask her name at this point but she introduced herself as mothercloud just after sweeping me up. Later on when I asked her name she told me she was Lilith.
Odelya was with me for this second journey as well as Jo. Jo wanted to translate the names we were given in a particular way, and when I told him my guides name Odelya was surprised that I had never heard the story of Lilith. Apparently Isrealy women are very used to her being a feminist icon because of mythology that she was the first wife of Adam who left him over equality issues.
It’s an story of attempted rape, demons and babies, death and Angels and God’s compassion for the angry misunderstood Lilith (kind of)…I can’t find any actual kaballic references of the story though.
I have found however more reference of Lilith as a wind or storm spirit, and that seems quite fitting for the wind/cloud woman I met.
Working on her picture has thrown up a couple of challenges..
  1. I can’t really draw
  2. I have issues to deal with other than the fact that I can’t draw.

Ok, so the idea of this task is precisely to throw up those challenges…but I wish I could draw Lilith’s face.

During the process today, especially when I finally allowed myself to try just to put onto the paper how I feel/felt about her, I realised that she is the same as My Blue Lady (a later guide)…I now remember that I knew this originally as I worked with MBL as a guide. My Blue Lady is all essence and light, timeless and ageless though…and Lilith is fleshy and human and aged…I see wrinkles and white hair that are young and particular and I can’t draw them.

Working on this image…possibly to do with the story of Lilith, I also found issues coming up to do with the fact that I am a survivor. It’s something that currently and mostly is a small issue, they were seconds, minutes and moments in my past…sometimes, something of this past is all I can see in the world. Today I just wanted to know who else in my life was a survivor…I meet regularly with eight other women and I wondered if I stood up and said “I’m a survivor” would anyone else?

I had issues of not wanting to be alone, today I felt I wanted to hug another survivor, to recognise her (or him as I have in the past) and have a hearty hug…and issues of wishing there were no shame attached to talking of these things, where are the everyday conversations of the things that make life challenging? Shame on shame.

There are many lovely support sites out there, but I also had the thought of leaving the invitation here to say feel free to say “I am a survivor” even anonymously, in recognition of ourselves and each other.

If we want to talk our stories I’ll offer to make space for that too.