I’m such a….can’t even think of a word for it! I get so lost so easily.
Sometimes free-falling through life is a good feeling…when I’ve let go of controlling outcomes because there is so much to choose from and I cannot predict the outcome of any action it’s the most wonderful alive feeling to let myself be taken by life. Not so much when I feel like I’m free-falling endlessly in one direction of sameness and gradually seem less and less able to recognise the branches that could break the fall Or remember how to reach out for them.
I also appear to have forgotten how to speak my heart in the moment…it has to be the most essential skill I learnt so far in my life, and the hardest…magic happens and life opens in amazing ways the mind does not suspect in advance…and I’m suddenly seeing how far I am from that and wondering quite when I slipped out of the habit. Life turns into waiting for truth to happen…as though I was waiting for a gap in the traffic, but I’ve been waiting so long I’ve forgotten why I wanted to cross the road in the first place and the passing cars have me too hypnotized to think clearly enough to choose to go somewhere else!
Ok, well that’s a start…a least having to write everything down in metaphors has reminded me about clean language counseling, which is something I want to research so I’m off again to get lost in my life….If I don’t appear for days again perhaps send up some flares…or send a search party with a bottle of JD and some Nina Simone, and I’ll cook (!)