I smiled as I thought of all the stores of Goddess in me. The little crystals hidden all through my body. The reserves of love and wisdom, that ignite as life triggers them to pour love and healing through me where it is needed, and shining her constant delight all around.I giggled at the thought of being a Goddess mine! I felt myself as the Earth, a body of rich soils and fertility, waters of life and rocks giving form and hidden treasures; fuels, energies,knowledge in fossils…her consciousness stored in thousands of forms throughout her body.

I gently came to the conclusion that nothing belonged to me. That I could not own anything outside of myself. My physical body, I realised, was the only store for what was mine.

To be mine it had to be in me.

And anything in me was mine to hold onto if I chose.

To be mine
it had to be in me.

I began to joyously explore what things were mine..things I suddenly understood no-one could take. Things I had forgotten…I was a mine of information!Then I began to consider, all the things in me, that I had never considered as mine before…the hopes, loves, and dreams in me, were truly mine, their beauty was mine and I was hushed by the touch of their presence.

Slowly in my peacefulness I let the darkness creep in, let the light flicker unsurely around me, let the walls become less real until gradually distance ceased to exist.

I dissolved as the emptiness, the everything that is nothing, entered the centre of my being and darkness became where my body began.

Yet still there was something there. The Goddess Crystals. Points of light, expanding silently, blindingly roaring through me in every direction. Each ray through the last, brighter and brightening, obliterating everything that was and wasn’t.

I felt myself as that ecstatic brilliance
and I remember who I am.

april 2001